Colleagues who aren't comfortable

What about the people who don’t want to be authentic at work, who don’t want to bring their whole humanity to the workplace?

This is question several people have asked me this week.

What do you think? How would you respond to a colleague/friend/family member who doesn’t feel comfortable with you sharing what’s really going on with you?

My take: There already are plenty of places for people who just want a ‘job’ to work. If someone isn’t comfortable with their feelings, they are just compassionately being invited to a new way of being. If the culture and norms of a community don’t work for someone, I believe they are empowered to speak up about what would work better. Ironically, the tools and practices to help them do that might be the ones they might be afraid of adopting or learning more about. So, in deep compassion and love, there is always consideration for people. When it comes to conscious cultural change, it never hurts to listen and discover what people truly want. 

Very curious to hear your thoughts?

What keeps us from being Authentic at work?

I mean being honest, talking about what going on inside of us. I’m wondering why this is the norm in our workplaces. With our friends and family we can share our emotional lives and what we are experiencing.

What do you think?

My take is that people were told that their emotional experiences,  ‘what they are really thinking and feeling’ was not okay to share-at school, at work and sometimes in their families.
1) Perhaps the first step is being aware of our emotions (emotional Intelligence),
 2) the second step is having the words and language to speak about them clearly in a non-arguable way, and
 3) the third is having the courage to do so in cultures where this is not the norm yet.

Core of our Humanity

I believe that our businesses and organizations can be places where we can express the core of our humanity-sharing our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Where we don’t downplay what is going on inside of us; we harness that creative energy and use it to create collectively with others.

That would include saying what works for us, what feels right and when we aren’t excited about doing something. This would include conversation, real conversation about how to do things (not doing things because this is the way we’ve always done it) and providing ways for people to determine how they can best contribute in a workplace. In essence, this is the invitation for us to be creative, responsive and present to what is happening in the moment. Right now, so much is changing that if we don’t embrace our humanity at work it seems like we are headed towards being uber-efficient functioning bodies similar to machines. I don’t think that is why we are alive.  We are alive for the richness of being human-feeling, thinking, acting and they key to that is feeling, understanding and expressing our emotions.

And I sit here with deep compassion for where we are, I can see why we’ve downplayed our emotions and what we are feeling at work.  In the first businesses, they were built on relationships and trust.  Imagine the first county store, a tailor, a neighborhood doctor; they existed solely to make people’s lives better through their services. When businesses got bigger-commerce moved to more of a transactional model. So if a business wasn‘t efficient, another business did things in a way that was cheaper or faster which gradually encouraged the more relationship-oriented business to leave the marketplace. So the expression of our humanity pushed out of our work life. However, people adapted and just decided to express their emotional and authentic selves other places-at church, with their family and friends, and made work a place to earn a living. There is nothing wrong with that, just a decision that was accepted by many. So we evolved to expect that at work. However, some companies have a culture where relationships and trust differentiate them; Zappos comes to mind. They truly care about their customers (beyond making money).  Any others you know of?

I long to discover the ways we can express, share and use every part of our being to create at work and in life. The wonderful thing is, is that when we express our authentic self; we are using both hemispheres of our brain. Literally, our whole brain is functioning in harmony. That means, that when we aren’t expressing our emotions or what is going on inside of us (we could be unaware of this), we are only using one side of our brain. When this happens, we tend to over-rely on our left hemisphere. This is the part of the brain that is analytical, logical and tries to solve problems. However, if we tune in to what we are thinking, feeling (what is going on in our body) and needing, then we have access to much more information. Using our whole mind allows more information and energy to flow through our mind. This last paragraph is based on interpersonal neurobiology (Sarah Peyton and Daniel Siegel are great resources to learn more about this).

 Would love to hear your thoughts, comments and ideas…

Men and Love

What does it mean for a man to be loving.

I am not sure we know. We associate love with softness, weakness, etc. "Be strong, toughen up." is the message men hear growing up. Imagine if they didn't. Imagine if men were encouraged to feel, to be open, to express themselves. Similarly, imagine if women weren't told the opposite messages. What if we could all just express our love, our feelings independent of our gender.

Our world used to be full of power-power that dominates. Real power is given, not taken and it is expansive. Change the word power for love in the sentence above and it makes even more sense. Love is given, not taken and it is expansive. The old power that was present in our organizations-government, wall street, and businesses is slowly falling away. It doesn't work, it isn't sustainable. We are ready for a new way to live, to be and to come together.

If we are going to create a better world, we need men to be more loving, more open and vulnerable. Real power comes from that openness, and confidence in what you are being. Authentic and caring men do all right in the world. They change countries, lead businesses

and people always want to be in their presence.

What would it take for the men around you to be more loving?

Tony Porter discusses the "man box" and how we can do things differently in the future.

I also love Joe Ehrman about this. Most men buy into the premise false masculinity. That your manliness is determined by your athletic ability, economic success, and sexual conquest.

Ehrmann says, there should be only two criteria for being a man. “Masculinity, first and foremost, ought to be defined in terms of relationships. It ought to be taught in terms of the capacity to love and to be loved.” For more about him, check out the book, Season of Life, by Jeffrey Marx.

What can one person do? --Everything

"I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. What I can do, I ought to do. And I what I ought to do, By the grace of God I will do."- Canon Farrar

I read that today and was talking with a friend about how each of us could have an impact in the world. There are many problems, what impact could each of us have? I don't believe any one of us has all the answers, but I know that together we do. We do our part each time we show up and ask:

How can I serve?

How can I make things better?

How can I live my truth?

If we honestly want to combat hunger, poverty, climate change and the problems in our society, we need to do something. I believe that starts in the heart of each person and has significant power when we come together. If every person thought about how they could live their truth, how they could serve others in their life (family, work, friends) our world would change.

Yes, there is work to be done and that is why we're alive on this planet.